Salvation Story

Hey Everyone, I just sent this email to my family and I want to share it with you all as well and hope that it is a blessing to you!

Last night I made a big decision, a decision that has taken me a long time to make, but I am so thankful that it's finally made! Let me give you all a little background first, before I tell you about last night.

For the last few years, and maybe more than that, as you well know, I have been wrestling with doubts about my salvation. Did I really say the right things, did I know enough, was I sorry for my sins, etc. It was very easy for me to brush them aside and get busy with work, classes, church activities, texting, and everything else. I would stay up late and get up early so that I would be too tired to have to lie awake and think about eternity. That's probably one of the reasons that I picked up extra shifts at Grand Haven - I didn't have to worry about anything convicting me there, and also there wasn't any time to "be still and know."

You might say "But you had the evidence of a Christian life, Lydia. How can you explain that?" Well, first of all, man looketh on the outward appearance, and only God could see how hard and wayward my heart was. During so many of Pastor Kobernat's messages I would feel the guilt of my sin weighing heavily on me, but was able to ignore it by running around after the service to talk to this person or that person, special music practice, nursing home service, or sometimes helping on the bus route.

When I felt the need to be truly saved coming, I would always try to pull out a memory that I do not have

of me praying a prayer as a five year old not wanting to die in my sleep and go to a burning Hell. It always

worked before, but the other day, I really listened to my heart, which was saying "Even if I didn't really get

saved, God knows that I was sincere, and I'm so good, He wouldn't possibly send me to Hell if I thought I

was saved." I was totally shocked when I realized that I was actually trusting my own goodness to take me

to Heaven. Shouldn't I have known better?

God has been using many things over the years to bring me to this point, but here are just a few of the specific things that God has used to draw me to Himself the past two months:

- Uncle Jerry's messages on sin and salvation. I thought that since the messages were aimed toward the unsaved or newly saved Africans, I wouldn't be able to learn anything from them. I needed to hear the teaching from the book of John, and really listen this time.

- Grading the correspondence courses on the books of John and Romans. It was getting harder and harder for me to ignore the clear plan of salvation, and the fact that I still needed it.

- Drew teasing me about not being saved. Although Drew didn't know it, God really used this even though I didn't like it at the time. Drew and I had a really great talk this morning as I shared with him about getting saved, and after I thanked him for teasing me, he shared his salvation testimony with me too, which was a great blessing.

- Aunt Debbie sharing her testimony with me several weeks after I arrived, little knowing how much the affect her words were having on me as I listened. This morning she told me that she had been praying for my salvation since I got here, which I was very surprised and thankful for to God.

-The recent salvation of Mrs. Connors. This was a very great instrument and encouragement for me to make my own decision to get saved.

-The book Hinds Feet on High Places, which I am still reading. I realized that I was like the main character, Much-Afraid, and needed to be delivered from my fears.

-Derek asking about what we had been getting out of our Bible reading lately...."Um, nothing. I can't even remember what I read much less something I learned and applied." He also mentioned a young man back at their home church who everyone is praying for to get saved. I thought, "Wow, he must not be very good at hiding it...like me."

So, last night, I was trying to read my Bible at the desk in my room, I just wanted to settle the matter, and told myself that if Juli's light was still on in her room, I would go talk to her. It was about eleven p.m. and the light was still on, so I went in and told her that I had been having trouble not really knowing if I was saved or not. She showed me many verses, and at eleven forty-five, I knew what I needed to do. I confessed my sin to God, and asked Jesus to be my personal Savior - I want to live for Him and Him alone now, not the way I think others around me expect me to live.

There are so many things that need to change in my life, but God is already working on me, and I am willing to be worked on:) I am so glad that I no longer have to do things in my own strength and be a "faker" to those around me, and hope that you will rejoice in my decision with me from that side of the ocean. As Dad once said, "Some people will miss Heaven by a mile, and some by a ruler." I am for sure, 100%, that I will go to Heaven someday, and not miss it by a mile or a ruler. Now we can share the same birthday, Dad!

I love you all so much, and am thankful for everything leading up to my salvation that God has been using to bring me to Himself.

~Lydia